Welcome to Free Therapy – Where Sibling Dramas Meet Fashion!

Dealing with Toxic Family Dynamics Navigating the Dilemma of Cutting Off a Sibling Without Losing a Parent

Help! Cutting off my toxic sister means losing my mom. What should I do?

Illustration by Simone Noronha

Hey there, beautiful Fashionista! Welcome to “Free Therapy,” the little corner of HotSamples where we tackle all your burning questions and give advice on how to handle everything from family feuds to work woes. And let’s not forget those mental health headaches that can leave us feeling like fashion misfits. But don’t worry, our advice columnist extraordinaire, therapist Minaa B, is here to save the day in the most fabulous way possible!

Enough with the stress and drama, let’s dive into today’s fashion-forward dilemma. Picture this: you’re a twin, and everyone assumes that you and your sister are joined at the hip. But in reality, your relationship is more of an obligation than anything else. It’s like wearing an uncomfortable pair of shoes just because they came as a set. Ouch!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. We’ve all encountered the occasional mean-girl, but your sister takes the cake. From leaving you stranded at parties to engaging in behavior that makes Cruella de Vil look like a saint, she’s not exactly sister-of-the-year material. And if it were up to you, you’d have cut her out of your life ages ago. But alas, there’s a twist in this fashion tale.

Here’s where it gets interesting. You’re semi-connected to your sister, not because you enjoy her company, but out of consideration for your dear mom. You see, she’s holding out for that picture-perfect sisterly bond that would make even Cinderella and her mice friends envious. How’s that for a guilt trip? But fear not, my fashion-forward friend, we’ve got you covered!

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Now, let’s talk about your amazing mom. She’s your actual bestie, and you wouldn’t want to trade her for all the designer handbags in the world. But here’s the catch: she’s been resistant to your attempts to set boundaries with your sister. It’s like she’s the Anna Wintour of manipulation, always finding a way to keep you and your twin in the same orbit. Sneaky!

But fret not, fabulous reader! There’s a fashionable solution to this sibling saga. It’s time for a heart-to-heart with your mom, where you’ll spill the tea but keep it classy. Before you dive in, brace yourself for an emotional rollercoaster. You have no control over how your mom will react, but remember, you’re a fashionista who knows how to rock any situation!

Start by letting your mom know how much she means to you. Shower her with compliments and remind her of your special bond. Then gently reveal that you need to protect your emotional well-being by limiting your contact with your sister. It’s like rocking jeans with just the right amount of stretch—it’s all about comfort and style!

To take it up a notch, lay down your boundaries in a way that would make Coco Chanel proud. Maybe you need a warning whenever your twin is invited to a gathering, or perhaps you’d prefer that your mom avoids bringing up your sister altogether. It’s your fashion empire, so you get to set the rules!

Now, here’s where your true fashionista power shines. Let your mom know the repercussions of crossing those boundaries. Speak up, be bold, and confidently declare, “If my sister shows up, I’m outta here!” or “If you mention her, I’m changing the subject faster than a model changes backstage.”

But remember, darling, actions speak louder than words. Follow through on your boundaries and stay true to your fabulous self. If your mom keeps trying to orchestrate brunch dates with your sister, and you keep showing up, it’s like mixing prints that just don’t go together. Show them both that you mean business!

Oh, the weight of pleasing others is a heavy burden, isn’t it? But darling, it’s time to ask yourself this: Would you rather sacrifice your happiness to keep your mom content, or strut your stuff down the runway of self-assured style? Trust me, there’s no alterative that guarantees your own fulfillment.

It’s true, my dazzling reader, that you can’t control how your mom will react. You can’t choose her feelings any more than you can choose the perfect pair of shoes for every outfit (although we’d all love that power). But here’s what you can do—honor your own feelings, express your truth, and let your fabulous fashion sense guide you towards self-empowerment.

Remember, you are a fashionista with an impeccable taste for boundary-setting and emotional self-care. So go ahead and strut your stuff, be bold, and make your mom proud of the confident and stunning individual that you are!

Minaa B.
Free Therapy Advice Columnist

Dear Fashionista, Minaa B. is the author of Owning Our Struggles, a licensed social worker, and a mental health educator. She operates a mental health consulting practice that assists organizations in developing psychological safety. She also shares resources on how to develop healthy relationships in her Substack newsletter, Mindful With Minaa. She lives in NYC.