GOP Debate B-Team loses player.
GOP Debate B-Team loses player.
MILWAUKEE— The first Republican debate of the 2024 election cycle already had suffered its first casualty before Wednesday night had dawned over the big lake. From CNN:
“Oh boy, here we go! The Republican debate is off to a smashing start, quite literally! North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum managed to land himself in the emergency room after a friendly game of pick-up basketball with his staff. Talk about taking politics to a whole new level! Now, we’re left wondering if he’ll even make it to the debate tonight. Will he be able to stand up to the challenge, both literally and figuratively? Only time will tell!”
Come on, governor. This isn’t the minors any more. Gotta prevaricate with pain.
“Seriously, Governor Burgum? You’re running for president, not playing in a local league. You’ve got to up your game! But hey, I can’t blame you entirely. With all the crazy stunts and gimmicks we’ve seen in politics, it’s a miracle we haven’t had a candidate choke on a corn dog at the Iowa State Fair or scald themselves flipping pancakes in a firehouse. Remember that time Gary Bauer fell off the stage in New Hampshire? Yikes! That was a presidential campaign gone wrong.”
So there may be two candidates missing from the lineup onstage at the Fiserv Forum, one of them a moral cripple and the other one merely limping. This will not have any effect on the avalanche of bunkum that will roll through the arena. It will not dilute the crazy by an ounce. It will not make Chris Christie any less of an opportunistic blowhard, or Mike Pence any less of a naive piece of walking sheetrock, or Vivek Ramaswamy any less likely to wonder whether there were “federal agents” hovering around the Lindbergh house the night the baby went missing. It will not make Asa Hutchinson or Nikki Haley any more visible. It may blow another hole in the listing hulk that is the SS DeSantis, so there’s that, I guess.
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“Hold on tight, folks! Brace yourselves for the spectacle that awaits us at the Fiserv Forum. Even with two candidates missing, the show must go on! Get ready for an avalanche of nonsense, a whirlwind of absurdity, and a parade of larger-than-life personalities. Chris Christie, the opportunistic blowhard, will be there, along with Mike Pence, the naive walking sheetrock. And let’s not forget Vivek Ramaswamy, who might just have a conspiracy theory up his sleeve. As for Asa Hutchinson and Nikki Haley, well, they might need to work on their visibility. And who knows, maybe the SS DeSantis will spring another leak. It’s going to be a wild ride, my friends, so buckle up and enjoy the show!”
Nothing will change. Believe nothing you hear in the postgame spinning. This is still the B Team from Bedlam and so it will remain, whether they all go on injured reserve or not…
“Don’t be fooled by the post-debate analysis, my friends. This is still the B Team from Bedlam, and nothing can change that. Whether they’re on injured reserve or not, the chaos will continue. So sit back, relax, and take everything you hear with a grain of salt. It’s politics as usual, and the show must go on!”
