Have you tried a Pedal Pub?
Have you tried a Pedal Pub?
Experience the Ridiculous Delights of a Pedal Pub
Have you ever come across those hilarious picnic tables on wheels blaring party music, filled with rowdy revelers pedaling away like their lives depend on it? Well, I have done the research, and I have an answer to the burning question: the kind of idiot who does a pedal pub is you. That’s right, I rented one last month, and it turned out to be the best and dumbest night of my life. Brace yourselves, dear readers, because I’m about to give these hideous contraptions my highest recommendation. Just make sure you hop on the pedal pub bandwagon before some other fool manages to get themselves killed on one of them.
So here’s how it all went down. I decided to surprise my boyfriend, Ben, for his birthday because, let’s face it, surprising your loved ones is just good old-fashioned fun. Naturally, there was no way he would agree to pedal on a glorified picnic table on wheels voluntarily. I stumbled upon an intriguing flyer for the E-Bird Express in Glendale, CA, and my curiosity was piqued. This was no ordinary pedal pub – E-Bird Express was ‘tricked out’, complete with dazzling LED lights, booming speakers, and even a karaoke monitor. It was like the lovechild of Xzibit and the folks at West Coast Customs, on a day when their creative juices were flowing a little too freely. Without a second thought, I slipped that flyer into my pocket, mentally making a list of friends who would readily answer ‘yes’ to the question, “Wanna do something stupid?”
On the fateful day, we rendezvoused at a parking structure near the Glendale Galleria, which conveniently served as the pedal pub’s launchpad. Now, convincing Ben to enter a parking garage without any plausible explanation was a challenge, especially in this day and age of true-crime podcasts. With our guests gathering and waivers signed, we finally laid eyes upon the E-Bird Express. The look on Ben’s face said it all – he was utterly clueless. The best part was, he had no idea what awaited him.
Our hosts for the evening introduced themselves as Chris, the driver and owner of the company, and John, the self-proclaimed “Hype Man.” We strapped ourselves into our seats and embarked on our journey through the vibrant Glendale streets. I mentioned the booming speakers before, but I have to stress just how loud they were. As the pristine notes of Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train” reverberated off the walls of Nordstrom, we resembled a mobile strip club that had crash-landed in an unsuspecting shopping district. Bewildered HomeGoods patrons peeked out in astonishment, while families with fresh Mrs. Fields cookies stared in disbelief. Shake Shack was undoubtedly shook.
Now, the rules surrounding pedal pubs may vary depending on your location. In our sedate downtown Glendale, drinking on the pedal pub itself was forbidden. Instead, we embarked on a pub crawl, pedaling our way to six different bars with approximately fifteen-minute rides between each. E-Bird customers enjoyed exclusive discounts at each establishment, and our dear birthday boy was treated to free shots. Mind you, Ben despised shots and loathed wearing a tacky light-up shot glass dangling from a chain of plastic beads. Alas, sometimes life throws curveballs at us, and we have to roll with the punches. We hadn’t decided how many bars we would conquer within our three-hour window, but we agreed unanimously that we needed a head start to get into the right spirit.
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The E-Bird Express was fully equipped with Bluetooth-enabled speakers, and John, our Hype Man, wielded his phone like a musical maestro. While “Crazy Train” set the tone for our adventure, we took requests along the way. A friend requested “Life Is A Highway,” and John promptly added it to the queue, although we forgave his rookie mistake of playing the Rascal Flatts version instead of the legendary Tom Cochrane original. MCing a pedal pub requires a certain finesse, after all. Accompanied by AC/DC’s “Highway To Hell,” we basked in our fellow motorists’ bewildered gazes as we pulled up at our first stop, Paperback Brewery. If you yearn for moments where people inexplicably mutter, “What the f*** is that thing?” as you approach, a pedal pub adventure is the answer to your wildest dreams.
After enjoying precisely the two beers we should have had before commencing this escapade, we hopped back on the road. It’s worth mentioning that, in the case of the E-Bird Express, the pedals were purely decorative – the bird was fully motorized. The idea of activating the pedal mode and joyriding in a safe parking lot crossed our minds, but of course, that was only the alcohol talking. We quickly realized that we were cruising in an open-air party bus, and we reveled in the sheer freedom it provided.
As Eddie Money’s “Two Tickets To Paradise” echoed through the Glendale skies, I couldn’t help but yearn for a change of vibe. So, I did what any inquisitive spirit would do – I queued up Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill” to add a touch of indie movie trailer magic to our journey. Lo and behold, under the pink sunset of Glendale, the perfect harmonious convergence occurred. John, our fearless Hype Man, was unfamiliar with the song, unabashedly reading the lyrics from his Spotify app. Yet, he managed to improvise a fist pump during the iconic “boom boom boom” part. Truly, John’s hype mentor must be exceptionally proud.
Now, don’t let the absence of alcoholic beverages on the pedal pub discourage you. In fact, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. At our slightly more mature age (indeed, we were hovering around the 50s), pacing ourselves became a necessity. The mandatory intervals of hydrating with bottled water forced us to take a breather. These short breaks between bars, accompanied by a bit of cardio through pedaling, ensured a touch of sobriety before the next stop. Even though we were well aware that our pedaling had no effect on the E-Bird’s movement, we all found ourselves frantically pedaling faster as we approached yellow lights. All of us.
During our second bar stop at Tavern on Brand, we bumped into a couple of acquaintances. With a couple of unclaimed seats at the back, we extended our pedal pub family by having them sign waivers and join us on our merry adventure. As a tribute to Sinead O’Connor, I added “The Emperor’s New Clothes” to our musical lineup. Witnessing a twenty-something hype man try to hype along with the line, “you know how it is and how a pregnancy can change you,” as he read it off his phone was truly an entertaining sight that deserves a spot on your bucket list.
Our grand finale took place at Dave’s Bar, which luckily happened to have karaoke night. Since we were already halfway to tipsy, it was clear that this would mark our final destination. Chris and John parked the E-Bird, joined us inside, and generously gifted us with shots. And yes, you guessed it right – Kamikazes were the shots of choice.
In the end, our pedal pub excursion proved to be an absolute triumph. I only wish we had more time on the road, not only to test out that mythical pedal mode but also because the sight of fellow motorists’ reactions brought us immeasurable joy. Honks, pumped fists, and even impromptu sing-alongs became our backdrop. The next time I spot one of those pedal pubs, I vow to give them the resounding thumbs-up they so rightfully deserve. After all, these contraptions are all about having fun, and let’s be honest, fun is an essential ingredient in life. So, my dear readers, I implore you to seize the experience for yourselves. Doing a pedal pub is not just a recommendation – it’s practically irresponsible not to!
The morning after our unforgettable adventure, one of my guests texted me, thanking me profusely. “That was way more fun than I thought,” he exclaimed. “I think I want to do one for my birthday.” With a wide grin on my face, I responded, “Absolutely! When’s your birthday?” The response was almost immediate: “Next week.” And so, the cycle continues, and the pedal pub revolution lives on.
