Predictable Appeals Court Ruling on Abortion Pill
Predictable Appeals Court Ruling on Abortion Pill
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Cassandra, poor thing, always knew what was going to happen, but nobody would believe her! Honestly, I think she should have opened up a tip sheet business at the racetrack. Just imagine, all the touts around the Aegean would’ve left Apollo in the dust to get rich with Cassandra’s predictions. I sympathize with the old gal, really, because this latest development was as predictable as the sunrise.
So, here’s the deal. A three-judge panel in the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit, the Uruk-Hai to Justice Sam Alito’s Saruman, ruled against the FDA’s decisions on the drug mifepristone. They said it’s not lawful for the drug to be taken later in pregnancy, mailed directly to patients, or prescribed by anyone other than a doctor. But hold your horses, the drug will still be available under existing regulations thanks to a Supreme Court ruling earlier this year. Phew! But trust me, this decision is definitely headed to the Supreme Court. Justice Alito can’t wait to find some ancient code to justify it. Lawyers just need to talk fast and throw around the word “abortifacient” like it’s confetti, and voila, mission accomplished!
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the conservative judge shopping extravaganza—the Wal-Mart of legal maneuvering! The Fifth Circuit, conveniently located in New Orleans, is the assembly line that rolls all controversial cases up to the Supreme Court. It’s like the judges are on a caffeine high, racing to overturn progressive victories left and right.
Let me introduce you to James Ho, one of the prized judges chosen by a certain former president. This gem of a judge believes that campaign donation limits, like a maximum of $350 for a city council candidate, are a no-no. He thinks that if you don’t like big money in politics, then you must oppose big government in our lives. According to him, too much money in politics is just the result of a government that our Founding Fathers wouldn’t even recognize. Oh, James, you really know how to make us laugh!
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But wait, there’s more! The Fifth Circuit recently sent the Dobbs case from Mississippi to Alito, and it’s almost like a magical circle being completed. Sooner or later, some court will declare all contraceptives to be “abortifacients.” Yup, you heard it right. Get ready for the grand finale of the death of privacy rights. And guess what? Ho, the tap-dancing judge, spilled the beans during questioning by Senator Chris Coons. When asked about the constitutional right to privacy for using contraceptives, getting an abortion, or engaging in intimate relations between consenting adults, Ho graciously replied, “The U.S. Supreme Court has held that there is such a right.” Oh, how we love a good plot twist!
And now, with Wednesday’s decision, we finally know Ho’s true answer to Coons’ questions. What a rollercoaster ride! Stay tuned for more episodes of “The Conservative Takeover of the Judiciary” and find out which constitutional right they’ll try to dismantle next.
